


Apartment 19

by DeceptiveLies



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Female Uzumaki Naruto, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25975288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeceptiveLies/pseuds/DeceptiveLies
Summary: Genma hated his new neighbor. She was a loud-mouthed, trouble-inducing, annoying little child. She regularly disturbed his peace, chased away his dates, and caused him untold amount of headaches. He did NOT feel bad for her. Not at all. Well, maybe just a bit. Naruto was kind of adorable after all. Fem!Naruto x Genma. Also on FFN
Relationships: Shiranui Genma/Uzumaki Naruto
Comments: 19
Kudos: 183





	1. One Neighbor

Genma Shiranui was a simple man. He enjoyed women, good booze, women, his peace, women, his friends, and most importantly: women. He also enjoyed nothing more than a night of peace and quiet after a particularly difficult mission, which his latest just happened to be.

Genma groaned in exhaustion as he trudged up the stairs to his apartment. He had just come off a two month long A-rank mission, and every part of his body was begging to just drop. He was sore in places he never knew could be sore, and felt numb in places he didn't know existed. The mission was harder than what was advertised. After weeks of trailing the suspects, the shinobi finally had their chance to complete the mission; only for the entire thing to be a trap. Genma and his three teammates had to fight their way out of a swarm of enemies, with their lives barely preserved.

Needless to say, Genma craved for little more than a solid nap. Fourth floor. Just one more flight of stairs. He winced as he prepared himself to once more being the tumultuous journey of climbing.

Just as he was about to climb the first stair, a door to the left burst open with a zealous force, almost knocking into Genma as he barely managed to sidestep. With his eyes wide and attentive, he watched as a small blond fury stomped her way out of Apartment 19, barely stopping to slam the door behind her. With a thesaurus worth of curses spat out loudly in the narrow hall, the little blond terror made her way down the stairs, an echo of foul language strung along behind her.

Genma shuddered at the sight. Apartment 19 was the one directly below his, and for months his quiet elderly neighbor has been trying to sublease the place, to no avail. The building was not located in the best of neighborhoods, just bordering the red light district. However, just yesterday the man had finally moved out, saying his goodbyes to all of those who lived in the building. Genma could only sit and pray that the little girl wasn't the daughter of the newest tenants. He enjoyed the peace and quiet his home had to offer, and he would hate for his solace to be disturbed by a loud brat with no manners.

* * *

Obnoxious knocking disturbed his peace. Genma opened an eye as the knocking grew louder and louder, coaxing him to open the door and pound the assailant into submission. Groaning in distaste, he rose from his bed and reached for his bedside table for his trusty weapon of choice. Placing the senbon between his lips, he slowly made his way over to the door, his mind drafting out a long speech about proper etiquette.

With a flick of his wrist he opened the door, coming face to face with the small blond girl from earlier that day. The child, for she could be no older than ten, had her fist out poised and ready to knock, her other arm clutching a plastic bag. With a widely disarming grin, she exclaimed, "Hey neighbor! My name is Naruto Uzumaki, and I live in Apartment 19! Let's get along!"

Genma blinked. He blinked again. Looking side to side, he finally answered with a groggy voice, "What are you doing here?"  
The blond smiled, "Greeting my new neighbor of course!"

It was way too early for this. Genma ran a hand over his face, "Great. You've said hello. Are we done here?"

Naruto frowned, " I moved into Apartment 19 today, and I heard it was proper etiquette to gift your neighbors with soba noodles. So here." She shoved the plastic bad towards him.

He tentatively accepted it, his lips tugged down in confusion, "Kid, where are your parents?"

Naruto scowled, "I'm an orphan."

"You're an orphan?" Kami above, Genma was slow today.

"Yes."

"So you don't have any parents?"

"That's what being an orphan means."

"So you live alone?"

"Obviously."

"Why aren't you at an orphanage?"

"Kami above! What's with all the questions? You lack a shirt and you don't see me commenting on it!"

Genma looked down. He _was_ shirtless. Oops. "You just commented on it though."

Naruto growled, "That was because you drove me to the brink of insanity with your incessant questions!"

"Aren't you like ten? How would you know what insanity sounds like?"

"Easy," Naruto grinned cheekily, "All I have to do is listen to you."

"Shouldn't you be at school or something right about now?"

The girl shrugged, "The academy let out early today."

"You're going to be a ninja?"

Naruto grinned, "Yes I am! Not only that; I will also be the first female Hokage!"

"You. A loudmouth. Want to be the Hokage?"

"This coming from a guy who obviously has some type of oral fixation with senbon?"

Genma's jaw dropped, "You're ten! How the hell do you know what an oral fixation is?!"

Naruto shrugged, "I read sometimes."

"Alright kid, thanks for interrupting my sleep, hope I don't see you around!"

While slamming the door, he could hear his newest neighbor scream out, "Right back at you, Oral Fixation!"

Fuck. He was going to be called that for a while, he could just feel it. The girl did look a slight bit familiar to him, but Genma just shoved that thought aside. He could contemplate it when he wasn't delirious from pain and pharmaceuticals.

* * *

"Hey Oral Fixation!"

Genma winced as he halted his climbing. He _knew_ that little brat was going to milk this nickname for all it was worth. "Listen kid, I _don't_ have an oral fixation!"

Naruto laughed as she leaned on her doorway, watching her older neighbor scowl at her in distaste, "Sure thing, Oral Fixation. Whatever you say."

Genma groaned, "Look kid—"

"Naruto," she interrupted.

Genma stammered, "Excuse me?

"Naruto. That's my name. Naruto Uzumaki. I doubt you heard it yesterday what with how tired you were, so I thought I would repeat it."

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK! His loud mouthed new neighbor was Hokage-sama's kid!? The Jinchuriki? FUCK.

Genma scoffed flippantly, "I don't care, Naru-chan. The point is, stop calling me by that disgusting nickname."

Naruto giggled, "Oh please, I've seen you around the village, and not once have I seen you without a senbon in your mouth. You might as well admit your fixation; I've heard admitting your denial is the first step to healing."

Genma groaned, "I don't have a fixation, so there's nothing to heal!"

Naruto raised her hands in a sign of peace, "Look man, that's between you and your therapist."

Genma facepalmed, "As usual, this had been a truly _wonderful_ conversation. See you around, Naru-chan."

"Later, Oral Fixation!"

* * *

With a flourish, Genma signed his signature on yet another form, before deftly putting that to the side and picking up another one. He hated paperwork, but someone had to fill in the mission completion form. Nara Shikaku was too lazy, and Gai was too… well everything. So to avoid any headache, they elected for Genma to be the one to submit this specific form. Damn bastards.

Just as he was about to complete the last form, a loud noise made him jolt and spill ink all across the page. Genma almost cried as he tried to salvage the mission report, but to no avail. With a scowl, he put aside the now ruined paper, and trudged out of his apartment. As he marched down the stairs, he cursed the very day that the little jinchuriki moved in.

Pounding on his neighbors door, he almost started yelling the moment the tiny girl opened the door, large welding goggles practically morphed onto her face. "Hey, Oral Fixation! What brings you here?"

Genma scowled as he took in the sight behind her. Her apartment was alarmingly bare, with only a small ratty couch placed in the middle of her living room, and a random drill tossed hazardously on the floor.

"Naru-chan," Genma spoke behind gritted teeth, "What the _hell_ was that noise?"

Naruto giggled sheepishly, her had raised to scratch the back of her head, "Sorry about that, Oral Fixation. I was just setting up my latest prank against Iruka sensei and my drill kind of ran away from me."

There was so much wrong with that sentence. Like, a lot. Seriously, which smart ass decided to let a ten year old idiot live alone?! Whatever, it wasn't Genma's problem. As long as she kept the noise down, he couldn't care less about her pranks or her method of living.

"Try to keep it down, would you? You made me ruin my mission report."

Naruto blinked. Her head tilted to the side in adorable confusion, "Wait, you're a ninja?"

Genma scoffed, "Well, obviously."

"Huh, I never knew that! I just thought the senbon was just some weird sadist kink!"

Genma winced, " _Seriously_ kid, what the _fuck_ have you been reading?"

Naruto frowned, "Icha Icha. Why?"

The ninja felt his jaw drop, "You've been reading Icha Icha? Why kind of psychopath allowed you to read that?!"

"Allowed?" Naruto snorted, "Nobody _allows_ me to do anything. I'm an orphan, remember?"

Right. Hokage-sama and Kushina-née were dead. Fuck.

"And none of the matrons at the orphanage stopped you from reading a book that vile?"

"Please, they would rather pretend I didn't exist. Icha Icha was the only book I could get a hold of to practice my reading. Without it, I'd still be illiterate."

Right. She was hated. Genma refused to feel bad for her. She was still annoying, loud, and more trouble than he could afford. Fuck.

"Naru-chan, that book is practically porn with a loose plot."

The jinchuriki shrugged, an action that made the girl look so much like her father Genma's heart almost stopped, "It's entertaining porn at least."

"You're _ten_."

"I'm _aware,_ " she parroted mockingly.

The jonin sighed, "Ugh, just wait here."

Naruto blinked as she watched her older neighbor climb the stairs back up to his apartment. Before long, he had come back, a stack of books in his arms. Shoving the bundle into the young girls arms, he spoke, "Here. These are a bit more age appropriate. I thoroughly recommend reading the first book on the pile, something tells me you'll like it."

Naruto raised he gaze front he pile in her arms, her eyes twinkling with unshod tears, "Th-thank you, Genma."

"Huh," he chuckled, "So you do know my name."

"Don't get used to it."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

 _Tales of an Utterly Gutsy Shinobi, huh?_ Naruto couldn't wait to read it.

* * *

Genma whistled jovially as he stirred the fancy meal he was preparing. With a spring in his step he danced around the kitchen, his counter a cacophony of spices and seasonings. It was a great day; nay, a great week. He had finally gotten a date with the hot bartender that he had been flirting with for weeks, making a lot of money from Kakashi who swore that she would never give him the time of day. With a chuckle, he opened the bottle of wine he had been saving, letting the sweet juice breathe.

The best part about his upcoming date, however, was that Gai was currently on a long mission. That means that no one was around to interrupt his dinner, sending his charming date running for the hills. Genma loved his old teammate, truly, but he wouldn't want to inflict Gai and his personality on anybody. _Especially_ a possible paramour.

A soft knocking interrupted his musing. Genma quickly checked his reflection on the full body mirror he had set up next to the door. After straightening out his black button up and running his fingers through his shoulder length hair; he was ready. With a charming grin gracing his countenance, he swung open the door. His date for the evening, Lillian, blushed cutely as she took in his appearance.

"Hi," He greeted with a smile, gesturing for her to come in.

"Hello," Lillian responded, making her way over to the couch and accepting a glass of wine, "You know, I was quite surprised that you asked me out."

Genma chuckled, "Oh? And why is that?"

The dark haired woman smirked coyly, "Oh it's just that I never thought that the famous womanizer, Genma Shiranui, would take interest in little old me. I'm sure you have a parade of women just lining up at your bedroom door."

The tokubetsu jonin sighed dramatically, "I'm afraid, my dear, that I have been the pray of some ill rumors as of late. Some jealous folk running around with their tongues wildly waltzing as they craft lie after lie."

Lillian raised a brow, "You mean to say that you are not a womanizer?"

Genma nodded solemnly, "Nothing but rumors, I assure you."

"Well that's good to hear. My friends have been warning me about you all week. I'll be glad to walk into work tomorrow with my head held high, able to put their worries at ease," she responded, leaning into him slightly as he took a seat besides her.

"Glad to be of service," He leaned in closer, his lips close enough to softly graze her own.

Just as he was about to seal the deal, a loud knock interrupted, causing them to spring apart in surprise. Genma glanced at the calendar on his coffee table; Gai should still be on his mission. Who else would be at his door?

"Oy! Oral Fixation, I know you're home! Open up!"

"Did that girl just refer to you as Oral Fixation?" Lillian questioned incredulously, her nose scrunched up in distaste.

Genma groaned loudly as he made his way to the door, opening it only slightly, "Naru-chan, I have company. So scram."

Naruto tilted her head, "Company? You have friends?"

Genma could feel his eye twitch in irritation, " _Yes_ I do. Now _leave._ "

Naruto craned her head to look past her neighbor and into his apartment, "Wow, she's pretty! What's that, the fourth girl this week?"

Genma felt sweat pool down his back as Lillian screeched behind him, " _Excuse me_?"

"Naru-chan," Genma hissed, "I have _no idea_ what you're talking about. Leave now, _please_."

Naruto scrunched her nose in thought, "But she _is_ the fourth girl this week! You're the only person who lives above me, and I'm certain I've seen three other girls come for dinner, and leave just before dawn this week alone!"

With a disbelieving scoff, Lillian picked up her purse, pushing past the seemingly apologetic jonin, and walked out of the apartment, "Just rumors, huh? Ugh, I can't believe I was idiotic enough to believe you!"

"Lillian! Wait!" Genma called out to the beautiful bartender. Naruto, with a bored expression on her face just yawned, "Dude she's not coming back."

Genma growled, "Naru-chan, what the fuck are you doing here?"

Naruto grinned awkwardly, "Well, I ran out of ramen today, and I don't have any more money to buy food. I don't get paid from the Orphans Trust Fund until tomorrow, and I _was_ prepared to just skip dinner again, but I smelled your cooking from my apartment and couldn't help myself."

No. No no no no no. Genma was _not_ going to encourage this type of behavior. "Don't you have any other neighbors to bother? You know neighbors who aren't on dates?"

Naruto grimaced, "Um, not really."

The jonin sighed, "What are you talking about? Besides you and I, there are 18 other people in this damn building."

"Well yeah," Naruto admitted, "But you're the only one who accepted the soba noodles."

"…What?"

"You know, that first day I came and introduced myself? Well, you were sort of my last stop. Everyone else who opened the door immediately slammed it back in my face before I could offer the noodles." She admitted with a sheepish smile.

No. Genma would not feel bad for her. No. Absolutely not… Fuck.

Groaning, he opened the door widely, "Just come in already. And don't get used to this, it's a one time offer only!"

Naruto grinned, "Wouldn't dream of it, Oral Fixation!"

Fuck.


	2. Two Ostriches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Genma starts to become accustomed to the oddity that is his neighbor.

Genma was a good ninja. Nay, he was a great one. Even as a young genin, his superiors would sing his praises, letting everyone know just how useful the senbon user was during a mission. He was absolutely lethal in close combat, devastating during large scale attacks, and his years of being an ANBU guard for the Hokage made him particularly brilliant at stealth and reconnaissance. He was near impossible to sneak up on, a fact that gave his teammates many nights of ease while on missions. That being said, this particular night he was awoken to the sound of soft whispering, "Hey, Oral Fixation. Wake up."

In a flash of speed that his previous Hokage would have been quite proud of, he withdrew a senbon from underneath his pillow and positioned it at the neck of his would-be attacker. A soft squeal, sounding both far too young and inexperienced to be an assassin, stopped his actions, "Fucking hell man, you're even kinky enough to keep weaponry in your actual bed?!"

Genma groaned, his eyes finally clearing from the fogginess of sleep, his hand slipping from its lethal position poised at the young girls throat. Rubbing his eyes and sitting up properly, he was able to see the countenance of an annoyingly calm Naruto, her arms crossed and brow raised in indignation.

Genma blinked.

Nope, she was still there. A ten year old girl, her long blond hair finally down from those ridiculous pigtails, and draped in what Genma thought was a ramen onesie. A child. A child who had broken into his home.

"How-" he coughed, clearing up his throat from the tendrils of exhaustion, "-the fuck did you get into my apartment?"

What he should have asked, he reflected, was how the _hell_ she managed to sneak up on him. Him; a war veteran and special jonin. She; an orphaned child still in the academy. Whatever, the first matter that had to be cleared up was how the fuck she managed to get passed his seals.

Naruto, at the very least, had the audacity of looking sheepish. Scratching the back of her head nervously, a habit she fell back on quite often Genma had come to realize, she answered, "I sort of climbed through your window. Did you know your living room window is positioned directly above mine?"

Genma blinked. He did not, in fact, know that. Nor was he comforted by the thought that his young neighbor actually did. He took a glance towards his previously shut bedroom door, now opened a fraction. He took a glance towards the grinning child. "What the fuck Naruto?"

Naruto tilted her head in confusion, "What do you mean?"

 _Breathe Genma_ , he forced himself to remember, _she's just a child with astonishingly low social awareness. Take this one question at a time._

"Naruto, _how_ exactly did you manage to climb through my window?"

Naruto frowned, as if completely confused by his utter stupidity, "I _climbed._ Didn't I just say that?"

She was too young to know how to walk on walls, and her massive amount of chakra must make it quite hard for her to have even a basic grasp of chakra control at this point in time. So how would she be able to-

Genma took in a sharp breath, "Naruto, are you saying that you physically climbed out of your window, scaled the ledge, and then hoisted yourself up to my floor with only a precarious windowsill and a few jutted out rocks in the wall as footholds?"

Naruto nodded, "That's what I just said, you idiot. Does sleep damage your hearing or something?"

Fucking hell. No. No no no no. There was no fucking way he was going to give that terrifying idea any more thought than necessary. No.

"Naruto," Genma ran a hand down his face, "What are you doing in my apartment in the middle of the night?"

Naruto suddenly grinned, thrusting her had out to give him a book. Huh. Genma didn't notice her carrying anything before, "Wait- you scaled my wall, which is on the fifth story in case you forgot, with one hand carrying a book?"

Naruto looked affronted as she replied, "No! Of course not! I'm not an idiot!"

Genma breathed a sigh of relief. I mean, he would definitely disagree with Naruto's last statement, but she _did_ somehow survive her daring feat. And really, Genma wasn't exactly in a position to lecture the girl. That would implied that he cared about her well being. And he didn't. No matter how much like Hokage-sama she looked like.

"Then how?"

"I carried it in my mouth."

"… in your mouth?"

"Yes."

"With your teeth."

"Obviously."

"You carried a book in your mouth while you scaled my wall, dangling from the ledge long enough to open my window, and hoisted yourself into my apartment."

"Have you taken a blow to the head or something? I'm not too keen on repeating myself every five minutes."

Genma groaned, "And giving me this book couldn't have waited until a decent hour?"

Naruto sweatdropped, "Well, I sort of just finished reading it, so I may have gotten a tad too excited to talk to you about it."

"… in other words you broke into a special jonins apartment in the middle of the night… to talk to me about a _book_."

Naruto nodded seriously, apparently sticking true to her conviction, "Yes."

"And you found absolutely _nothing_ wrong with this idea?"

"Not really, no."

"Not even the fact that I could have easily killed you just then?"

Naruto scoffed, "Oh please, not even _you're_ stupid enough to accidentally kill an Academy student just for startling you."

Genma was going to politely ignore that obvious slight against his character, instead focusing on the much more important fact that this night revealed, "And do you perchance want to explain how you managed to sneak up on me?"

The Uzumaki brat scrunched up her nose, "Don't blame me for being a deep sleeper, Oral Fixation."

"But I'm not."

"What?"

"I'm not a deep sleeper."

Naruto rolled her eyes, "It looks like you are."

Genma paused, "Naruto, do you do this often?"

"Do what often?"

"This," Genma gestured, "Break into other peoples apartments."

The Uzumaki chuckled, shuffling her feet awkwardly, "Well, I wouldn't say I do it _often…_ "

"How many times?"

"How many times I have broken into other peoples places?"

"Yes you daft child. How. Many. Times?"

" _Well_ … a few."

" _Naruto_."

"Okay okay, sheesh no need to go all growly on me. Let's see, I've entered Iruka's apartment a few times to set up some pranks. I break into the academy on an almost weekly basis, also to set up a few pranks. Let's see… I've also set up pranks in the Hokage tower, the ANBU headquarters and a few stores that have wronged me in some way. Does that answer your question?"

No. No that does not fucking answer his question, in fact all that did was give Genma even _more_ questions. No. He is not going to get sucked into this little girls brand of crazy. No. Time to switch topics.

"What's the book?"

Naruto grinned, passing the worn green cover that he knew quite well, "It was _amazing_. The main character even had the same name as me! Of course, he was a boy, but still it was super cool! He was powerful, and honest, and brave, and amazing, and I want to be just like him!"

Genma, despite himself, let out a small smile, "I'd know you'd like this book."

Naruto nodded vigorously, "Of course at first I was a bit skeptical since it's written by the same author as Icha Icha, so I was surprised when there was no porn in it at all!"

Genma chocked, "Wh-what?! Naruto did you really think I was going to give you a book like Icha Icha?"

Naruto frowned, "Well, yeah. Why wouldn't you? You know I'm a fan, and you _obviously_ have a lot of sexual kinks, so I assume you're a fan as well."

Genma groaned. He really did curse the day this child moved in, "Naruto. Get out of my apartment."

Naruto smiled, "Okay, see you later Oral Fixation!"

"And take the book with you!" He called out, tossing the novel towards the blond as she made her way to his door.

She halted her steps, a look of wonder crossing her features, "But this is your book…"

"It's called a gift, Naruto. Take it."

"I— a gift? For me?"

The jonin rolled his eyes, "You obviously love the book, and all it does is gather dust on my bookshelf. You may as well enjoy it. Consider it a bribe to stop breaking into my apartment."

"I'll cherish it forever!" Naruto cried. With a jump, she leapt onto his bed to give the man a great hug.

"Naruto," Genma spoke through clenched teeth, "Get. Off. Me."

Naruto laughed nervously, "Right, you hate kids. I forgot."

With a sigh, he begged, "Just get out and let me sleep, okay?"

"Bye Oral Fixation! I won't forget this!"

That's it. First thing tomorrow, Genma was buying locks for his windows.

* * *

Genma groaned as his teammates laughed in tangent. Slamming his head onto the bar counter, he pondered just what cruel action he had done in the past to deserve friends like these.

"Come on Genma, that is not a youthful outlook! Surely there must be some positive?" Gai practically cried between his bouts of laughter.

Ebisu made no attempt to disguise his amusement, his snorts obnoxious enough to make the senbon wielded contemplate murder, "Yeah Genma, surely there's _some_ positive."

Genma felt his eye twitching at the obvious mocking tone, "No, there is _absolutely_ no positives! She's annoying, and she's bratty, and she broke into my fucking apartment!"

"About that— how exactly did a child manage to break into your apartment? Don't you have seals on the door?" Ebisu questioned, ever the realist.

"She came in through the window," Genma admitted with a sigh, watching with a scowl as his two friends began laughing once more.

Gai was the first to stop, realizing the implications behind such a statement, "Wait. This child scaled the wall and climbed through your window, all while being quite enough to not disturb your sleep?"

"Yup."

Silence.

"What the fuck?" Ebisu exclaimed, his level of inebriation and comfort with old friends loosening his tongue, "She's an untrained child, how—?"

"Apparently," Genma rolled his eyes, "She trained herself in stealth by setting up pranks across the village. All while wearing the most obnoxious shade of neon orange my eyes had ever had the misfortune of being assaulted by."

"Huh," Gai frowned, "She would make quite the ninja."

Genma groaned, "Oh please don't remind me. I don't even want to contemplate what an utter pain this child will be with _actual_ ninja training."

This prompted yet another round of laughter. Really, Genma needed better friends.

Just as the man was about to order another round of drinks, he was interrupted by an unfortunately familiar young voice, "Hey Oral Fixation! Fancy seeing you here!"

Genma slammed his head on the bar counter once more. Hopefully the trauma would make this hallucination go away. However it seemed as though luck was not on his side, for she quickly exclaimed, "Hah! I _knew_ you have been suffering some sort of head trauma lately! And here I thought it was through some weird kinky sex play with one of your overnight visitors."

Gai and Ebisu, not quite believing their ears, delved into another round of hysterical laughter. Naruto, with a frown on her face and a brow tilted in confusion, stepped away from the strange men, "Oy, Oral Fixation. Your friends are really weird. I've seen the one with glasses chase a little boy around the village, which is both illegal and just plain sick, and the green one keeps harassing the Dog ANBU. Are they latent homosexuals, or just plain pedophiles?"

The laughter stopped. This time, it was Genma who cracked an amused smile. Huh. The girl was actually pretty funny when her anecdotes weren't directed at him. As if she lived to contradict him, which as this point he was fairly certain she did, she continued, "Anyways, I wouldn't recommend you sleeping with either of them. The green one seems pretty loud, and as your neighbor I must say I wouldn't want to be subjected to that type of noise, while the glasses guy seems even kinkier than you. Which frankly, I didn't even think was possible."

Yup. It really was too good to be true. The girl never did know when to shut up. With a sigh, he spoke, "Naruto, what are you even doing here? This is a ninja bar, meant for _ninja adults_ , as in you're not even allowed to step foot in here. So how the hell did you manage to bypass security?"

Naruto tilted her head in confusion, "I came through the back door, duh."

Genma blinked, "Naruto, there is no back door."

"Yeah, there is. I come through it all the time. It's behind the counter, down the hall to the right. Granted, it opens into the Red Light District, but the alley the door is in is Aiko's usual haunt. Aiko never has customers to pleasure during this time, but she's a huge fan of pocky. As long as I make sure to bring her a box when I come through, she lets me do as I please."

No. He will not process this. No. Naruto does _not_ have friends who are prostitutes. No.

"And _why_ exactly do you frequent a ninja bar of all places?"

With this Naruto grinned dangerously, a look Genma had come to associate with her evil pranks, "Easy. Iruka-sensei likes to come here after the academy lets out. He makes the mistake of letting his guard down around so many colleagues. It's honestly the perfect time to strike."

That poor son of a bitch. Genma did not know Iruka well, but suddenly he felt a kinship with the man that could only come from prolonged exposure to a little blond terror.

"Well, that explains it. As you were," Genma dismissed.

Naruto saluted goodbye, before disappearing into the crowd. Five minutes later, when a flummoxed young chunin who had been painted purple began searching for a viable culprit, Genma could only whistle in faux innocence as he claimed to not have seen anything suspicious. Even he wasn't idiotic enough to rat Naruto out and earn her ire; she had already proved herself capable enough to break into his apartment, he didn't want to know what else she could do with the proper motivation.

"That girl," Ebisu gulped, "Is an absolute _menace_."

Gai nodded, "While quite youthful, she is a tad terrifying."

Genma could only moan. He would contemplate moving, but something tells him that now that Naruto already sees him as a friend, there was no getting rid of her.

* * *

Genma withheld the urge to scream as he banged on his neighbors door. He had been _entertaining_ a young female guest, when the sound of loud screeching interrupted them and sent the girl running.

"Naruto! Open up!"

"Yeah yeah yeah, I'm coming! Hold on to your senbon you freak!" She cried as she trudged herself over to open the door. Genma was greeted by the sight of his little neighbor, her usual jumpsuit covered by an oversized leather apron, industrial made gloves fashioned onto her hands.

Genma felt his eye twitch, "Naruto. We've talked about this. What did I say about making a large racket past 6 pm?"

Naruto shuffled guiltily, "Not to?"

"Exactly," Genma gritted out, "And what time is it now?"

"Uhh… sometime past 8?" She chuckled nervously.

"Yes, exactly. So, do you want to tell me why you decided to make such a large amount of noise this late at night?"

It was a trick question. A set up. Naruto _knew_ this. But she also knew that it wasn't her fault, so she hurriedly sought to clear the air, "But it wasn't me! It was the ostriches!"

Silence.

"The ostriches?"

"Yes."

"I'm almost afraid to ask, but unfortunately I must: what ostriches?"

Naruto cracked open the door wider, gesturing into her apartment, "Those ostriches."

Genma peeked through, and to his ire saw a large cage in the middle of an empty room, with two large ostriches resting comfortably inside.

"Naruto?"

"Yes?"

"Do you not see anything wrong with holding two ostriches captive in your apartment?"

"Not really, no."

"And why not?"

"Well for starters, they're both male."

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Since they're both male, it means I'm not breeding them for eggs. It's illegal to do so in Konoha, but there's a pretty high black market price tag on a large ostrich egg."

Genma did not know that. In fact, Genma did not _want_ to know that. He could have easily lived happily for the rest of his life without knowing that fact, nor contemplating just how exactly a ten year old managed to learn this fact.

"If you're not planning on breeding them, then why do you have them?"

"For a prank."

"A prank?"

"Yes."

Genma sighed, "Do I even want to know?"

Naruto seemed to contemplate that for a few moments, before shaking her head, "Probably not. Plausible deniability and all that."

Genma nodded, "Fair enough. Now, next time you decide to host wild animals in your apartment, either make sure they're gone before 6, or put a damn muzzle on them. Got that?"

Naruto grinned, sending a double thumbs up, "You got it!"

"Good. Now I'm going to go and purge this entire interaction from my memory. Have a nice night, Naru-chan."

"Night, Oral Fixation!"


End file.
